Your photography is a record of your living, for anyone who really sees. You may see and be affected by other people’s ways, you may even use them to find your own, but you will have eventually to free yourself of them, That is what Nietzsche mean when he said, “ I have just read Schopenhauer, now I have to get rid of him.” He knew how insidious other people’s ways could be, particularly those, which have the forcefulness of profound experience, if you let them get between you and your vision.
-Paul Strand

Like almost everyone holding a DSLR nowadays, I would love to say that I was into photography even before the wave of people who seem to be suddenly obsessed with taking a picture. I could easily defend myself and say that I was that kid who loved to hold the camera when there was an occasion, casually trying his best to capture fleeting moments with a point and shoot Kodak camera. Saying that it has always been his dream to be a photographer. Sadly all of this is way off from the truth. Photography for me was borne from having the means to get in the hobby, and actually finding something to while away my not so precious time. I am like everyone whom they dubbed OFW trying to earn money away from they’re comfort zone trying to keep myself busy and interested.

As I struggled my way on a foreign land, I have tried multitude of ways to keep my head above water. I could go through a book in 3 days or so, while waiting for my clothes spinning in the washing machine. Then busied myself finishing a packet of cigarette each day, which ended up in my wall afterwards. Went through a phase where I would jog till I get tired so that I wont be doing any thinking when I get home. Gradually did some lifting in the gym but got bored, as was always the case with the other hobbies.
Photography was there, but not in a constant way, always in the backburner, relegated to a thing that documents whatever I am doing and where I have been. Then I will obligingly send my pictures to my folks ones a week. Photography has as I may say served that purpose for me for a year.
I was always into visual arts, always in the sideline, admiring, reading and trying to interpret. I remember being a kid in my bed going through the letter A book in our trusty encyclopedia set reading through the Art section. And in college constantly in the library, going back and forth with the Miro monograph, and the Surrealism book by Patrick Waldberg. Then turned my attention to American Minimalism as I progressed in the understanding of the visual arts.

I was just like Mr. William Fox Talbot, I just wanted to express myself visually or even record sets of memories that I find precious. But was just not adept enough to work with my hands. It may be that my hand and eye coordination is a bit off or I may not have the patience of creating something for month or so. So having photography is god send, knowing that I have in my disposal a device that could do the hard part for me with just one sweeping action: pushing down the shutter release button or so I thought then.
For a year I was immersed in photography, having the money and time in my disposal I was constantly exploring and finding my way in all the complexities that goes with it. And like everyone starting out in a hobby, I fell in love with the equipments. Reading reviews, trying out the equipment and sadly buying everything that will fancy my interest. My room became crowded with things that I don’t really need, things that I don’t really want. I was buying into the system.

For a while I thought that digital would ensure maximum exploration in my chosen medium. I will just think about the image and not the process in taking the photograph because the machine would do the thinking and processing for me. I explored more, with blurs, long shutter speeds, and different filters. I tried exhausting the visual limits of what I am using, that kept me up for a while.

But I still see myself falling in the same visual trap. The pictures became stale; the scene became glutted with the same type of photography. I felt frustrated and disassociated not having the ability to control the images more. I was slowly growing disenchanted with digital photography; I was slowly seeing things in a different perspective, I no longer shared the passion that they have. Seeing my photos, browsing the images that I feel that I could relate to the most was my Black and white photographs. I was always drawn to that silence, that stillness, that slice of time not identified by color.

We all have a different agenda when we went through the trouble of really learning the craft. Some wanted to make extra money, while also trying to keep pace with time. Others wanted to be notice, wanted to be significant, thinking that strapping a camera in the neck gives you the power to interpret that persons personality as you deemed fit. Some are observers of the world; sitting for hours picking up moments however odd may be, moments of human nature that will always lend interest. Some are simply glad to come home from the last vacation thinking that they captured decent images that will proudly be shown to friends. And some like Garry Winogrand photographs to find out what something will look like photographed.

When I started my journey in photography I read about this article from Thom Hogan about photographic goals, that I think is important the minute you take on something. Having a purpose gives you direction, not only a straight path but also knowing the bounds of stretching your path to keep you in the edge.

I needed a change of pace so I decided to slow down, and be more contemplative with my photographs. I wanted to go back to the basics of image making. I had to clean up my closet and strip off all the unnecessary. I broke my will and sold all my digital gear to one lucky soul. And that set me off in another journey in another exciting turn around. Some may view my switching back to film photography as a step backward because of the technological advances that digital has offered in the last couple of years. For me it would be one of the steps in my progress of the goal that I have set up when I first started in photography.

That is chasing the unknown, and chasing the silence.

20 June 2009